Several years ago I was struggling with the dailiness of routine. That phase in life when as a mommy I was exhausted and overwhelmed. I write this at that time as a reminder of where my focus needed to be. I am up to five kids now, and the Dailies still hit me at times, but I am thankful for the opportunity to be the mother of these beautiful children.
The past few weeks I have been struggling with being a bit gloomy. Life has been good, physically I feel OK, then why am I just full of the dull dailies? Perhaps it is because life as a mommy of three active toddlers is draining and exhausting. Perhaps it has to do with the fact I don’t get out of my house all that much. Perhaps it is the huge gaping whole that is my social life since becoming a mommy. Truthfully I don’t think those are the reasons why my heart is at times filled with a dull gloominess and overall general bleh. I think it has more to do with my lack of seeking after the Lord.
As a mommy of three active toddlers I have a busy, routine filled schedule. And as we are moving into the fall I have been striving to add more structure to our days, and more deliberate education in my children’s lives. Yet in the midst of that business I have been neglecting my Bible time with the Lord.
So in the past week I have been working to get back on track in this area with my husband’s strong encouragement!
Is it helping, yes I believe it is helping me on several levels. Am I perfect? No, and I won’t be on this side of Heaven. Even still my heart finds more contentment creeping back into it, and my thoughts more quickly turn to Godly things. I also find more joy in the dailies that have seemed to haunt me these past months.
I love routine, schedules, organization, and a clutter free life. I have routine, and schedules sort of, but not so much the organization, and clutter-free life. Yet, those dear routines that my heart craves are also the things that tend to bring the daily blahs back more quickly. Doing the same thing each day, doing the same thing at the same time each day. Ho Hum……..
Yet, when I stop and think about what my children need, and what my husband needs, do my daily routines bring a blessing to them? I think so, we have food to eat, we have school we do, we have clean clothes to wear. (Most of the time! ;-))
So there is joy in the dailies. Perhaps I should shake up things a bit at times, but frankly I am not sure what way would be the best thing for my kids. At this age, naps, and meal times are some of the most important aspects of our days.
Yet I digress, as I have been seeking to redirect my thoughts toward the Lord, and getting my perspective back on track, I resumed my reading of John. I had stopped reading towards the end of the book, just before Jesus faced Pilot and his crucifixion. Today I read John 21. Here we have the disciples, wounded, floundering, isolated and cut off. Their savior seems to have abandoned them. Although they have seen him several times since he hung on the cross. These men seem to be floating listlessly in a troubled sea, not really caring where the waves make take them next. Peter goes fishing.
He did something. He had to do something I suppose. Probably reached the point of frustration with sitting waiting. Frustration of not doing anything. Was he tired of hoping, tired of wondering. Was he heartbroken and uncertain. We find Peter getting into his old boat and going fishing.
This he knows, this is comforting. The working with his hands, mending the nets, feeling the boat as it has direction out to the deeper waters. Yet this too proves to be futile, no fish are found no fish are caught.
Then things change, they see a man who tells them where to find fish. These professional fishermen had been fishing all night and had found nothing and suddenly some man tells them where to find fish? John recognizes Jesus. He looks at Peter and says, ‘It is the Lord’. What does Peter do first? He clothes himself, and dives into the water. He was so glad, so comforted and so very excited that he jumped into the water. He couldn’t wait to be with the Lord. He needed more than just seeing him, he needed to be with him, stand next to him, touch him perhaps. He needed that comfort. Jesus knew Peter’s heartache, he knew his needs and desires. Jesus graciously provided that for Peter, just as he has for me these past few days.
Our Savior knows just what we need when we need it, but what will our response be? Will I allow my routine to pull me and drag me away from the time with the Lord that I so desperately need, or will I dive in and seek my savior, to be with him, to be near him?
So to all you busy mommies out there: How do you find time to seek after your Savior?