marriage, Spiritual health, Wife, Womanhood

Marriage and Culture

In the past three years or so I have seen three separate couples in my neighborhood alone get divorced. Two of those couples were married after I was and then divorced within less than five years. One of the couples is still in process of divorce.

One thing I find very interesting about all of these breakups is they all have one thing in common. The women are the ones who left, and the men were all a bit stunned when it happened.

In all three cases my husband has either been friends with before, or made friends with the husbands after the divorce happened. I am not going to pretend that these divorces are all happening because the woman is just quitting on her marriage, but there does seem to be a trend. At least a trend within the people I know.

I keep asking myself why are these women leaving? Why are they quitting on their marriage and walking away? All three of the women would have different answers if I were to question them about the details of their leaving. Yet I still can’t help but wonder why are the women leaving, and the men are so clueless about the state of their wives hearts?

I feel that there is a cultural problem that is at the root of some of these divorces. That root has to do with a pollution of the ideas of feminism. I am not a feminist by any stretch, but there are some good things that have come out of the feminist movement. The fact that I can vote and do many other things that I personally take for granted are evidence of the good things that have come from women taking a stand.

There are some results of this movement that have not been as beneficial. One of those issues has to do with the way we as women view our husbands.

I believe that in any institution there must be a leader of some sort. We see this played out from the corporate world all the way down to the play ground. We as humans tend to sort ourselves out in a way that we know who is the leader in the little circle we are in. Sometimes we fight for that position, and other times we like not having the leadership role.

In a family the same is true. There must be a leader. If there isn’t someone who is the decided upon leader than there will be a few problems that arise.

  1. Both parties are fighting for control. – Very common and leads to a lot of discontent in a marriage.
  2. One of the parties just says, “Whatever, do what you want!”

Neither of these responses is what God desires for a marriage. God wants Oneness in a marriage. How can there be oneness if there is constant fighting or passivity?

In our American Culture we like to attack our men, make fun of our men, and treat our men as if they were nothing more than big babies. This often results in the men becoming passive, and the cycle is fueled to go faster and faster. The more passive the man gets the more frustrated the woman becomes leading her to belittle her husband and disrespecting him. Which causes the man to become more passive.

When both the husband and wife are fighting for control over the marriage there can’t be oneness because there is constant strife, or worse yet, one will simply ignore their spouse and disconnect and do what they want to do rather than seeking oneness in their relationship.

I believe that the model that God designed is the best method for bringing oneness to marriage. God designed marriage after all don’t you think he knows how it will best work?

Have there been men who have lorded it over their wives in the past?

Yes.

Now we have women lording it over their husbands. Is that an acceptable alternative?

The feminist founders would have us believe that all men are pigs, and that women don’t really need men at all except for play things. {Don’t believe me? Read up on some of the historical feminist leaders.}

God created us as women to be a partner, a nurturer, a welcoming presence to, not only the men in our lives, but to all who come into our sphere of influence.

We as women have allowed ourselves to be deceived. We have believed the lie that men are only seeking specific things and they are not really good as men. In the garden of Eden, when God saw all that he had made, he said it was good.

I would propose that we as women rethink what we believe about our men, and that we take those ideas and put them under the microscope of scripture. God wants oneness in marriage, and the way we are living out married life– as Christians– isn’t always honoring to God or what He intended.

Are we believing the lies we are being sold via TV and Movies?

Are we becoming discontented with our husbands, and rather than developing an attitude of thankfulness we are becoming bitter and feeling entitled?

Marriage is hard, I am not saying otherwise. It takes a very strong woman to come under the authority of her husband. It also takes great faith at times, because if we are not trusting God to lead our husbands, it can be very difficult to following the leading of our men.

I challenge you to take your ideas of the role of a wife and husband to scripture and see if what you believe lines up with what the Bible says. I fully believe that God, the creator of marriage, gives us the blueprints to build a marriage that will last. If we follow his directions we can have oneness in our marriages.

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