Have you had one of those weeks when everything seemed to be going the wrong direction between you and your husband? Communicating with him seems impossible and there is something happening at every turn to push you away from your husband? That is the time to be leaning in, not pulling away.
I have had weeks like that. Weeks when I want to pull away from the man I married rather than lean into that relationship because the hurt is so fresh and painful. I have a tendency to do that with any relationship, but even more so with my husband. When we have had a hard week, or my feelings have been hurt all I want is to pull away and pout in a corner. The last thing I want to do is to go sit next to him on the couch, and cuddle.
When life is tossing a barrage of hurtful things into your marriage the last thing in the world you should do is to pull away from your husband. That is the time you need to lean in and try to get close to that man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. Here are a few ideas on how to move close to your husband even when your heart is heavy and you may not want to.
- Pray for your husband. – Many people have said this before, but it is still true. It is hard to pray for someone you are angry with talk to Jesus and tell him all about your feelings confess any sins you may have and ask Him to give you a heart for your husband.
- Give your husband a shoulder rub while you pray for him. – Physical contact helps to bring two people together, and it may help to lower your blood pressure, which may be needed if you are angry. Even if you are the one who is not getting the back rub you actually touching your husband might actually be the one to benefit from the physical contact
- Ask your husband to set aside some time later in the day to talk about what you are feeling — I find that I need some time to process my feelings before I can safely discuss my hurt feelings. I tend to lash out in anger and frustration before I actually have fully worked through the situation.
God wants unity in marriage, and if there is conflict that is the absence of unity. So it seems reasonable to assume that God wants us to work through that conflict as quickly as possible.
I personally struggle with forgiving my husband when we are having one of those weeks. I want to be angry and punish him as if all the problems we are facing is some how his fault. (Usually they aren’t, but merely circumstances that are beyond anyone’s control.) I sit back in judgement on my husband questioning why he hasn’t fixed a situation and not even considering if maybe there is something I should be doing.
There are so many scripture passages that come to mind about these situations. My guess is, while you are reading this that you can easily see my failures and my mistakes in assuming my husband should be the one to fix ALL the problems of the world. Maybe we both should take some time and look at our own guilt. Maybe we can’t resolve the problem, but we can take steps to love our husbands. I am not saying letting go is easy, but remember that God has called us to forgive not because of anything our husbands deserve, but rather because God forgave us.
Dear Jesus, please be with each and every hurting heart that reads these words. It is not easy to look at our hearts and consider our own faults. please give us a spirit of humility and grace as we seek to love our husbands well.
How can I pray for you this week? Please feel free to either email me or comment below.